By Rena Martine, intimacy coach

If you’ve ever fantasized about a threesome, you’re far from alone. Multiple partner fantasies are the most common fantasies across genders (with only 5% of men 17% of women not having them!) but not all fantasies need to become realities. Whether you’re just dipping your toes into the idea or seriously considering making it happen, here’s a guide to help you navigate these waters with confidence and clarity.

Not all fantasies are meant to be realized

Let’s start with the basics: it’s okay to have threesome fantasies and not want to act on them. Your imagination is a safe space to explore what turns you on. Here are a few ways to enjoy your fantasy without ever leaving your comfort zone:

• Solo play: Use your fantasy as fuel during solo sessions. Let your mind wander and enjoy the ride.
• Erotic media: Watch some threesome or orgy porn to keep the fantasy alive without stepping outside your comfort zone.
• Attend a play party (as a voyeur): If you’re curious but not ready to dive in, go to a sex party and simply observe. You can soak up the atmosphere without touching a single person.

Remember, there’s no pressure to turn every fantasy into reality. Sometimes, it’s enough to let the idea live in your mind.

Meeting emotional needs without group sex

Fantasies often reflect deeper emotional needs. Maybe you crave the thrill of being the center of attention, or perhaps there’s a particular person you’d love to bring into the mix. You don’t actually need a third person to explore these feelings. Here’s how:

• Blindfold play: Put on a blindfold and let your partner touch you. Use your imagination to picture the extra hands you fantasize about.
• Role play: If there’s someone specific you fantasize about, role-play with your partner. Pretend they’re that person, and see where your imagination takes you.

These strategies can help you scratch the itch without complicating your relationship.

Building a solid foundation for a threesome

So, you’ve talked it over, and you and your partner are both intrigued by the idea of a threesome. Great! But before you dive in, it’s crucial to make sure your relationship is on solid ground. Here’s what you need to do:

• Trust, trust, trust: If your relationship is already shaky, adding a third person isn’t going to fix it. Make sure you and your partner trust each other deeply before bringing anyone else into the bedroom.
• Open communication: Lay everything out on the table. What turns you on? What worries you? What are your hard limits? Clear communication is the key to making sure everyone feels safe and respected.
• Don’t rush: Start small. Maybe watch some threesome porn together and see how you both react to the idea of getting turned on before you invite a live human into the room.

Baby steps to ease into it

Taking baby steps can help ensure that everyone is comfortable as you explore new territory. Here are a few ways to do that:

• Start with a public meetup: Meet your potential third in a neutral, public place. Have a drink, chat, and feel things out. Agree ahead of time that no one will go home together, which will alleviate some pressure.
• Keep it light: For your first encounter, keep things simple. Make out, do some over-the-clothes touching, and see how it feels. There’s no need to go full throttle right out of the gate.
• Check in often: After each step, check in with your partner. How are you both feeling? If either of you has doubts or feels uneasy, take a step back and reassess.

Communication: The golden rule of threesomes

Communication isn’t just important — it’s everything. Before you invite someone else into your bedroom, make sure everyone is on the same page:

• Set clear boundaries: Discuss what’s allowed and what’s off-limits. Everyone involved should be crystal clear on what’s okay and what’s not.
• Protection rules: Decide how you’ll handle protection and STI testing. Will condoms be used with everyone? Are there any specific rules about toys? Get it all out in the open before anything happens.
• Establish a safe word: Even if you’re not venturing into kink territory, a safe word is essential. It gives anyone involved the power to stop the action immediately if they feel uncomfortable.

By taking it slow, communicating openly, and keeping trust at the forefront, you can explore your threesome fantasies in a way that feels safe and fulfilling for everyone involved. Remember, it’s your fantasy — there’s no rush, and no right or wrong way to go about it. Just keep the lines of communication open, and stay curious!