*Note: These insights are drawn from thousands of anonymous responses to our public kink quiz. Individual responses are never shared.
When we launched our kink quiz, we knew curiosity would show up. What surprised us was just how diverse and adventurous that curiosity really is. Thousands of you have taken the quiz, and your answers reveal a clear truth: novelty, exploration, and fantasy sit at the very core of erotic desire.
Psychologists who study sexuality have found that nearly everyone carries fantasies that go beyond “vanilla” sex, but only a fraction of people act on them. Desire thrives in the gap between the familiar and the unknown. Our quiz results shine a light on that very space.
Here are the five most surprising insights we discovered:
1. Almost everyone needs foreplay
More than nine out of ten people said they’re turned on by foreplay and teasing, with lingerie, dirty talk, and sensual massage also ranking high.
Why it matters: Novelty doesn’t have to mean extremes. Small shifts in ritual (a new phrase, a fresh script, or simply slowing down) can be enough to awaken desire. Sometimes the kinkiest thing you can do is treat the familiar as a playground.
2. Restraints and spanking are mainstream favorites
Bondage, spanking, and toys were among the most common interests, with over 80% of people curious to explore them. These practices consistently show up at the top of fantasy research worldwide.
Why it matters: They’re accessible and endlessly adaptable. They combine physical sensation with psychological intensity, offering couples a safe way to experiment.
3. Power play is a shared fantasy, not a niche one
A large majority said they were interested in dominance and submission. Far from being a fringe interest, these dynamics are part of the erotic imagination for most people.
Why it matters: Erotic desire often grows from paradox. The thrill of letting go of control, or taking it. Playing with power gives couples permission to step outside everyday roles and write new scripts together.
4. People are more flexible than you’d think
When it comes to roles, many respondents don’t fit neatly into “dominant” or “submissive.” Well over a third of respondents identify as switches, meaning they enjoy exploring both sides depending on the moment.
Why it matters: Flexibility is a cornerstone of eroticism. Very few people live in a single role forever. What excites us often shifts with mood, partner, or context. Swapping roles and experimenting keeps things novel, and novelty is the fuel that ignites desire.
5. The real goal is connection
When asked what they wanted most from kink exploration, the top answer was strengthening connection with their partner. Others prioritized experimenting with new practices, sharing fantasies, or breaking routine, but at the core, it all comes back to intimacy.
Why it matters: This mirrors what relationship experts have found for decades: kink isn’t just about sensation or gear. It’s about building trust, communicating openly, and keeping intimacy alive over the long term.
The takeaway
Our quiz results show what science has been telling us for years: Eroticism thrives on novelty, play, and shared exploration. Whether it’s foreplay or floggers, the through-line is connection. Most of us are more adventurous than we admit, and we’re craving experiences that keep our relationships feeling alive.
At Good Ember, that’s exactly what we create: guided experiences that help couples turn curiosity into connection, and fantasy into reality. See our subscription box.
